Is it finally well with my soul?

Why is it some songs grind on your nerves while others you know the lyrics were written just for you.

That’s the way I am with the song "Even if" by Mercy Me.

If you’re not familiar with it here are some of the words:

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt

Would all go away if You’d just say the word

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

My mom died a year ago and this song was my prayer. I couldn’t listen to it without ugly crying. Some days were ok and others were just hard to get through. Just when you think you’re making progress sometimes a road block to healing would happen.

Making some memories at the farm. She was able to visit a few times. 

Two weeks ago, our beloved Kavu was found dead. It hit our family hard. While she was supposed to be a barn cat, she always found her way to the porch and would curl up on the rocking chair. She greeted us and loved to be held.

Sweet Kavu

Although we had a great conversation as a family about farm animals, I just couldn’t believe she was gone.

To comfort myself and the kids I told them that maybe Kavu was going to be with Bibi. But since Bibi didn’t like cats so much, Kavu would have to be extra sweet.

Madi, in her 7-year-old wisdom, said, “Bibi will know it’s my cat, and will want to be with Kavu because it’s like being with me.”

She was handling her pet’s passing with such maturity and grace while I couldn’t get it together. I was crying nonstop and felt sad and angry.

Michael finally asked me if this was all about Kavu or something more. And it hit me, I was finally grieving for my mother. I had bottled it up so much, but through Kavu’s death I was finally letting go of the pain.

I made it a year without my mom. It was hard. But I did it. Every holiday, every time I had a question about my kids, when I was happy and sad - it wasn’t easy but I did it.

“Even If” ends with the line “It is well with my soul.”

That line would get me every time – when will it be well with my soul?

And a year later, I am finally feeling peace. It doesn’t make me miss her any less, but a little bit of the fog has lifted.

We recently decided to help a friend and take their kitten as it wasn’t a right fit for their family.

Introducing Rocky Top or Rocky for short. Although he can’t take Kavu’s place, he does bring joy to us. In fact, I’ve never seen an animal look so cute when it runs. 

Rocky Top

She's in love.

Here's to another year without mom. But this year, with a little more strength and a lot more peace.