Is it finally well with my soul?

Why is it some songs grind on your nerves while others you know the lyrics were written just for you.

That’s the way I am with the song "Even if" by Mercy Me.

If you’re not familiar with it here are some of the words:

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt

Would all go away if You’d just say the word

But even if You don’t

My hope is You alone

My mom died a year ago and this song was my prayer. I couldn’t listen to it without ugly crying. Some days were ok and others were just hard to get through. Just when you think you’re making progress sometimes a road block to healing would happen.

Making some memories at the farm. She was able to visit a few times. 

Two weeks ago, our beloved Kavu was found dead. It hit our family hard. While she was supposed to be a barn cat, she always found her way to the porch and would curl up on the rocking chair. She greeted us and loved to be held.

Sweet Kavu

Although we had a great conversation as a family about farm animals, I just couldn’t believe she was gone.

To comfort myself and the kids I told them that maybe Kavu was going to be with Bibi. But since Bibi didn’t like cats so much, Kavu would have to be extra sweet.

Madi, in her 7-year-old wisdom, said, “Bibi will know it’s my cat, and will want to be with Kavu because it’s like being with me.”

She was handling her pet’s passing with such maturity and grace while I couldn’t get it together. I was crying nonstop and felt sad and angry.

Michael finally asked me if this was all about Kavu or something more. And it hit me, I was finally grieving for my mother. I had bottled it up so much, but through Kavu’s death I was finally letting go of the pain.

I made it a year without my mom. It was hard. But I did it. Every holiday, every time I had a question about my kids, when I was happy and sad - it wasn’t easy but I did it.

“Even If” ends with the line “It is well with my soul.”

That line would get me every time – when will it be well with my soul?

And a year later, I am finally feeling peace. It doesn’t make me miss her any less, but a little bit of the fog has lifted.

We recently decided to help a friend and take their kitten as it wasn’t a right fit for their family.

Introducing Rocky Top or Rocky for short. Although he can’t take Kavu’s place, he does bring joy to us. In fact, I’ve never seen an animal look so cute when it runs. 

Rocky Top

She's in love.

Here's to another year without mom. But this year, with a little more strength and a lot more peace.

Do you keep your New Year’s Resolutions?

Today is January 1, and I have made my list of resolutions. It spans a whole page so the chance of keeping them is pretty slim.

Why do we even make these yearly promises to ourselves?

The ancient Babylonians are credited to be the first people to make New Year’s resolutions. These resolutions though were more about paying off debts than losing 20 lbs. or reading more books.

According to the History Channel, around 45 percent of Americans usually make New Year’s resolutions, but only 8 percent are successful in achieving their goals. Between you and me, I bet those 8 percent lied.

But why am I even telling you all of this?

One of my resolutions is to rework my blog a little bit. Don’t worry. I’ll still share when I make a fool of myself when animals jump at me or I fall in mud. But I want to try this year to review some of the products I use, as well as share some of the information I have learned while taking care of my animals.

Now like most resolutions, they are so hard to keep. (I did take a multivitamin today. And that was number 12 on my huge resolution list - I feel like I might actually keep a few this year.)

In the meantime, here are a few pictures from our first Christmas in the farmhouse. 

Our real Christmas tree with moose topper. 

I saw a pig Christmas picture at Hobby Lobby I want to add to mantle for next year. 

One of my favorite nativity sets. My other favorite is my mom's nativity set. 

The front porch

Enjoying the tree

Unexpected snow

It looked like a winter wonderland.

All the animals enjoyed playing in it.

Our model cat. She loved the snow.

Red berries

All snow covered

View from the top pasture

The woods

The girls helping with chores.

We go through a lot of wood.

Frozen pond. I threw wood and old sweet potatoes at it to make sure.

Matching ridiculous hats. But they are so warm. 

Straw is Life

One day Madi asked, “Mommy, why is there always straw in your hair?”

First of all, it only happens when I clean the pig pen, and I now I wear a hat. Second, it is not always in my hair child. But it is like dog hair and seems to multiply all time.

I blame Snoop. He likes to bury himself in it at night, and when I let him out he just leaves a trail wherever he goes.

As fall as winding down, I realized I hadn’t written about any fall adventures – for my five or so loyal readers and for myself.

I run on the farm, but the terrain slows me down. Sometimes I wonder if it's my knees rattling or a rattlesnake after me. 

She's a good running buddy. Snoop likes to run with me, but he was a huge distraction. One time I had to carry him back because he was being stubborn. 

Sometimes I run the hill. It is only for the view. 

Sweaty selfie

Artsy gate

Michael picked a new garden spot and tilled it. Hopefully this year we can give it 100% since we both live here and have scaled it down a little bit.

Scaling down the garden.

We held a Fall Fiesta to see what agro tourism would be like. It’s hard, but a lot of fun. I hope one day to bring kids here to explore and learn. There is a local farm that has a program like this, and I hope one day to pick their brains.

Farmer Michael giving hay rides.

Bobbing for apples

Fun treats

The hayride set up

The animal kingdom is going great although Snoop and Peaches have an uncanny friendship. I can’t tell if they are best friends or Peaches just loves to annoy Snoop by always touching him.

Peaches loves Snoop.

One day I learned a hard lesson about stranger animals. I took the girls to see the neighbor’s horse, and all the animals followed me. I thought it was cute, until Snoop got in the horse pen. The horse kicked at him. Bailey stood up for her bud. The cats ran away. I couldn’t find Kavu for a while. I kept hearing pitiful meows. I finally found her in a thorn bush. I had to get in the thorn bush and pry her from a limb. I really really learned a lesson that day.

Finally found the cat. 

I had thorns on me, and I scratched up my arm. 

I rewarded my heroic efforts with a fire and coffee. 

Halloween was fun, and the girls painted pumpkins. Next year, I hope to have our own pumpkin patch.

Making pumpkin seeds.

This and butter is all you need. 

So good and crispy.

Halloweenies

I actually used a sharp knife and it turned out ok. 

All our animals are social creatures. 

Painting their pumpkins because I don't trust them with a sharp knife. 

And that pretty much brings us to cold weather, winter and Christmas. And let me tell you, decorating this house is so fun.

I just don’t think I will use any real straw in my manger this year. 

Holy Cats!

After we cleaned out the barn, and I noticed several signs of mice, we decided to get barn cats. And by “we” I mean me and the girls.

When I say things like, “Baby, I think we should get barn cats.”

Michael usually just looks at me. And in return I think, “Great, he’s on board.”

But my coworker had kittens who were outside animals but good with children. Sounded like a great fit for our family.

Kavu aka Salt

Peach aka Pepa

We now have Kavu and Peach, but Michael and I call them Salt and Pepa. Our goal is to name all our farm animals after 90’s favorites. We’re thinking Bones, Thug and Harmony for some goats.

The first day we had the kitties was pure magic for the girls. Abby wouldn’t quit smiling. 

That soon ended when she realized what a litter box was and that was a new chore for her.

The training cage. 

Feeding them their first meal with us. 

They enjoyed their Friskies or whatever it's called. I'm so new to cat life. 

Bailey has not been impressed with the cats. Kavu hissed and swatted the first time we introduced them. Bailey also gave me the cold shoulder for several days and even growled at me. We are best buds so it really hurt my feelings. We have now come to an understanding and it seems to be ok.

This is how Bailey looks at me when I hold the cats. 

The first time Snoop met them was my favorite. When I let Snoop out of the barn for the afternoon he runs around like a pup. He’s fast and run circles. It’s a hoot. The cats were in a little cage so I could get the pig. Snoop comes running out at full speed and spots the cats, puts on his pig brakes and skids to a stop. He looks at the cage, give a huge snort. OOOOOOIIIIIINNNNKKKKKK! And runs off. 

I’m not sure what kind of animal exchange took place but they haven’t had a problem with each other at all.

The plan is the cats will live in the barn, but they are so cute and fun we let them inside for a bit. I have always been a dog person, but it is so much fun to have a cat paw at some string. I don't care who you are, it's hilarious. And they are sweet so they just curl up in your lap to nap. But I think they will be excellent mousers. 

Kavu Salt can't get enough string play. 

Peach Pepa is a little lazier. 

So we’re all one big happy family for now but I’m anxious to see who we will add next. Any suggestions?

The gang